I can still smell the Portland air, and it makes me sick to my stomach.

So any one who knows anything about me knows that I listen to lot of music. And that it means a lot to me. A lot of people who know me also know I like thinking, so songs that make me think are possibly my favorite thing ever. And today a song I had not heard in a while came on my shuffle and it made me think, hard. The song was Wasted by Cartel and the chorus is we're all wasted yadda yadda ya but the verses are what made me think anyway and they go like this:

It's 2:45, the baby takes his first breath
The mother never knew he only had a few left and
The father gets a call in the middle of the night
His breath gets short and his chest gets tight

But he's 16, and he's driving too fast
Takes a turn to the left, it would be his last
Nobody knows what happens if he turns to the right
Nobody in the car would've died that night

But he's 32 and invincible.
The cancer he had it was visceral
He never saw it coming...thought he had his whole life
Sick in the morning and he died in the night.

7 years old, got his bat in his hand
He’s looking for his father and he doesn't understand
'Cause dad's too busy, got some deals on the way
His son sits alone as the children play

And he's 18 he couldn't wait to move out
His parents wonder what all the rush is about
They never bothered with his dreams
Only thinking of theirs.
Wonders why he doesn't call and why he doesn't care

But he's 32 and invincible
With everything he is based on principle
He never had a truly happy moment in his life
He didn't want the kids and he didn't want his wife.

23 now got his life in his hands
He's looking all around and he doesn't understand
'Cause life's too busy, things get in the way
We all feel alone every single day

And I'm 18 couldn't wait to move out
It's been 5 years and now I'm starting to doubt...
Whether all my dreams are just aimless stares
Looking off to someplace that isn’t there

When I'm 32 will I be miserable?
With everything around based on principle
Will I have a clue, oh wouldn't it be nice
to never be alone in this wasted life.

Well it really made me contemplate happiness. According to Webster's happiness is a state of well being and contentment. That's great, but what does that all really mean? Like is there something common among all human beings that makes everyone single breathing person happy on this Earth, or do we all find happiness in different ways. I'm really not sure, I know what makes me happy, but does it make everyone happy. Maybe if there is a common factor that makes everyone feel good inside  we'd realize how much the same we all are, that would either cure you or kill you depending on your own principles and values, and thoughts. But beyond that I thought , WOW have I ever had a moment where I could say I was truly happy. And I raided the bank of my memory, and there has never been a single moment, or hour, or any time frame for that matter where I can actually say completely honestly that I was truly happy, that for even a fraction of a second everything was perfect. And then came the age old debate, I always end up coming to; does perfection actually exist? Oh you got a 100 on you math test congratulations, but is it perfect? Are there eraser marks, scribbled out words, or sloppy handwriting. Can you honestly say you have ever produced or done something perfectly. I can't I admit it. So for now I say perfection doesn't exist, and I'm just short of begging you to prove me wrong.